5 New Year’s Resolutions for Newlyweds

Did you know that 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce? Yikes! This fact makes me so sad because it speaks volumes as to how poorly we are taught to treat spouses and handle conflict. This is why it’s so important in setting your resolutions, to set newlywed resolutions for your marriage as well! There are so many small habits you can adopt to safeguard your marriage against divorce, and today I’m here to share a few with you! Here are 5 New Year’s Resolutions for Newlyweds.

Communicate often and calmly as a team

Whew, this is definitely a doozy compared to all the New Year’s resolutions for newlyweds, and one my spouse and I still struggle with after a year of practice! However, I truly believe this can make or break your relationship in a heartbeat. I think we’ve all been on both sides of this coin! You likely know what it feels like when your spouse brings a list of so many things you’re doing wrong, often accompanied with an attitude, negative tone, or raised voice. What happens? That attitude instantly puts you in defensive mode! On the flipside, I’m sure you also know the struggle of calmly bringing awareness to something that’s been bothering you, only to have your spouse flip out in defensiveness, screaming and shouting about all the things you do wrong too. The goal here is to solve both partners’ concerns as a team, and the best way to keep the team player spirit is to commit to communicating often and calmly.

I urge you both to listen to the Do You F*cking Mind Podcast, episode 182: How to be less defensive, and how to deal with defensive people (expletive). In this episode, Alexis states (paraphrased), “Always offer to discuss something at another time as calmly as possible. We all know it’s impossible to reason with someone who isn’t calm. State, ‘I want this to be a calm and constructive conversation for our relationship, so if you’re not up to talk about this calmly now, I’m up for talking another time.’ You always want to preface things like that so that way they must think twice about their behavior and how they’re talking. If they then turn around and continue to freak out, you WALK AWAY. You say, ‘like I said, I only want to be calm about this, I’m not getting into a fight. If you want to have a fight, you’re going to have to have it with yourself. I’m not getting involved’ and then you walk away. Eventually, they’re going to start to see a pattern that you will not stand for that behavior, and that you’re trying to create a safe, calm space for conversation.”

Adopting this language has been truly life changing in my marriage. It has deepened our respect for each other, and we appreciate each other’s commitment to being kind and calm, not allowing our conversation to get out of hand. When my husband uses this language with me, my appreciation for him and how deeply he cares for our relationship grows immensely, and vice versa when I use this with him. Try this out and watch how your communication and handling of conflict transforms in your relationship.

Show love using their love language

If you’ve never heard of love languages, I’m about to rock your world! Did you know that every person feels the most love in different ways? Yup, you heard me right! There are 5 love languages, and most people fall into one of these categories as the way they best receive love. These love languages include:

• Words of Affirmation (compliments and lifting the other person up)
• Quality Time (intentional time spent with the other person with phones away)
• Physical Touch (holding hands, cuddling, sex, etc.)
• Acts of Service (completing something on the other person’s to-do list)
• Receiving Gifts (little items that let the other person know you thought of them)

I highly recommend both you and your spouse complete this free 5 Love Languages Quiz, then share the results with your spouse! This is especially eye-opening to your relationship, as it’s very likely you’ve been complimenting your spouse like crazy because your love language is words of affirmation, but your spouse is still feeling unloved and misunderstood because your relationship lacks the physical touch that they crave! This is such an effective New Year’s resolution newlyweds should make, as simple actions showing your spouse love in the way that they best receive it can make all the difference in your relationship. If you’re looking for more information on this, I also highly recommend reading The 5 Love Languages Book that accompanies this quiz!

Dedicate time together with phones away

I often wonder why it was so much easier to connect with my spouse back when we were dating. After thoughtful reflection, I realize that it’s because we dedicated consistent time together, with our phones away. If you truly look at your relationship now that you’re living together, seeing each other daily, how often are phones included in that time? For us, it was a lot! This year, spend time talking together to determine how often you would like to dedicate time together with phones away. For some, a few minutes each day might be best, for others once a week, or maybe a special weekend together each year. However often you decide, plan to stick to this newlywed resolution!

Approach finances as a team

Unfortunately, we know money doesn’t grow on trees. Because of limited financial resources, expenses need to be tackled head-on together. We love to use Mint to keep track of what money is coming in, and what percentage of that is going out in groceries, auto-expenses, etc. Sit down together at least once a year to determine what you’re looking to save up for, what trips you’d like to take this year, and about how much “daily” expenses you’re looking to spend. As time goes on, you might need to tweak your goals a bit, but start this year off on the right foot by tending to your budget now!

Only speak kindly about your spouse to others

This is definitely a New Year’s resolution newlyweds should make! I tend to think of complaining about your spouse as a small burn, but the more and more it continues, the more it turns into a giant forest fire you can’t control. Think about how it would feel if you overheard your spouse speaking negatively about you to their friends or family? It would probably hurt you so deeply! Further, have you heard of the phrase, “What you talk about is what you bring about?” The more you talk negatively about your spouse, the more negative things about your spouse you will find. However, as many negative things you think about your spouse, you could probably triple in positive things about your spouse! Start focusing and talking about the wonderful traits in your spouse, and you’ll start finding more and more reasons to continue loving them. Not to mention how the opinions of friends and family can muddy a marriage! Don’t introduce this into yours; make a commitment to never speak poorly of your spouse, and only speak kindly about them to others.

Conclusion

Lastly, I want to reiterate just how important it is to approach every aspect of your relationship as a team! If you want to beat the 50% of marriages that end in divorce, you need to both be committed to working together as a team to tackle conflict and achieve your marriage goals. This year, make your marriage extraordinary by adopting these 5 New Year’s Resolutions for Newlyweds! Now tell me your newlywed resolutions in the comments below!